Over the past few weeks, I have been dipping a few tentative toes into the dating pool. It is not so much about finding another life partner as it is about rebuilding a life that includes other people again. A life of connection, curiosity, and expanding horizons.

Rather than relying on traditional dating tools, I have chosen to engage with a platform in which up to eight anonymous strangers will meet at a prearranged location for dinner, share conversation, stories, and laugh together within a low-pressure setting, in which expectations – and perceived need to “perform” – are entirely up to each participant.

Some come for light conversation, and to meet new friends, regardless of gender and orientation;  others out of curiosity to see “what is out there” beyond the confines of their own limited lives and social networks, and certainly some come with a yearning to find a romantic connection that may develop from a meeting with similarly minded people. All come with a desire to create new connections, and most have a genuine fascination to learn more about the lives of others.

At these dinners, I have met several others, both male and female, with whom I have connected and enjoyed anecdotes and forged nascent friendships. There is the gourmand, who delights in the culinary offerings of my hometown, and who is a wealth of recommendations for dining, both fine and casual. There is the entrepreneur of a startup promoting safe water; a graduate of the World Bank, who shared an entertaining anecdote about his meeting with Vladimir Putin while today’s Russian president was still deputy mayor of St. Petersburg (essentially, he was the real power broker of the city at that time).

And there is the filmmaker, who while taking a post-graduation journey on the “hippy trail”, had encountered a British film crew outside Mosul during an Iranian-Iraqi border clash that had stranded him and his companion for three days in the unrelenting desert heat at a frontier checkpoint. Taking these young men under their protective wing, the crew allowed them to watch the filming of a feature film at an archaeological site, at which they worked for the next three days. Later, departing from Iraq by convoy to the Turkish border, the crew adopted the two hippies as part of their crew, to ease their passage across the Turkish border.

Our table had all listened in rapt attention to this entertaining story, so vividly told. And then our new friend delivered his punchline: “That movie came out the following year, and those scenes that we watched being shot turned out to be the opening sequence for a little movie called The Exorcist.”

From the past two of these dinners, I have particularly connected with two fascinating women, both highly accomplished in their respective fields, each working in education. I will adjust their names to preserve anonymity. Curiously, both share Persian heritage, though to very different degrees.

The first of these admirable women, I will call Bahar, with whom I shared fascinating one-to-one conversation for a half hour before the other diners arrived. The moment she entered the room reserved for our party, I was struck by Bahar’s beauty, framed by her long golden hair. For her, it was the first such dinner, and we shared easy conversation, recalling our backgrounds as mutual immigrants, our love of literature, and of learning. Bahar’s deep brown eyes and still-strong Persian accent, with its distinct melodic rhythm and vowel emphasis captivated me before our filmmaker friend arrived with the other diners, and the energy shifted.

Bahar and I met once more at a lovely coastal restaurant in her hometown of many years. I had mentioned my intention for this follow-up meeting to my son the week prior. “Dad, you told me last week that you weren’t ready for dating!” I laughed and admitted that I had indeed been saying exactly that – that I needed to step back, take stock of my life, and gain some perspective. “But this isn’t a date!” I replied “…just a continuation of a fascinating conversation. Besides, she really is lovely, I can’t let the potential slip away. Let’s see where it goes.”

I must confess that for all my protestations, my journey to the restaurant was one of quiet anticipation that I carefully tried to keep in check. I arrived after a summer parade blocked my route and found Bahar already seated. Sharing tapas and an enjoyable extension of our initial conversation, we followed our dinner with a pleasant walk along the promenade and jetty under a full summer moon amid a gentle breeze. We bid our farewells, but I felt the energy between us was slightly different than it had been before. She felt more reserved, and our conversation lacked the depth that I had hoped for. Nothing approaching a romantic liaison developed from that second meeting, and that is fine. I feel privileged to have spent time with my new acquaintance, and I hope that we will continue to stay in touch and enjoy light, expectation-free company again..

The second of these new friends would prove to be something altogether unexpected…

Read Part II of this essay, Independence Day